Somewhere around here, the group decided that it was high time they did something about this whole Mammon thing once and for all. And hey, while they were at it, let’s see if we can stop all those other aligned Lords, too.
So they sat down with their epic-level wizard and alchemist pals, and learned that the only way they were likely to seal the nine aligned outer planes off from the mortal realm would be to enlist the help of | the Judge , the lord of the True Neutral plane, and the most powerful of them all. He, according to Balmorn, was the one who wrote all of the rules that the other eight Lords all obeyed, whether they liked it or not.
The trouble was, Balmorn and Thomas had never seen the Judge, or even been to his plane. In fact, that was one of the central points of their research over the last three hundred years. It had something to do with Thomas’s backstory, but nobody bothered to ask him about it, so he kept it to himself.
They did, however, know that one of the other Lords would probably be able to help them out. Unlike all other planes, the Chaotic Neutral plane’s Lordship was shared by two people: the Kings of Chaos. They possessed no actual magic, but had more physical might than any of the other Lords, and with it, the power to create holes between planes by focusing their strength and attacking reality itself.
The party all agreed that nothing bad could possibly come from asking a couple of super-strong immortal beings with the word “Chaos” in their title to help them change the rules of all reality, packed their bags, and planeshifted to the Chaotic Neutral afterlife.
They appeared in the midst of a large battlefield, filled with the debris of a large battle. Before they had time to scuttle about looting the dead, a scouting party appeared and advanced upon them. Artemis considered telling the scouts that he and his companions were the ones responsible for the carnage, but the leader of the scouting party, a man in a red mask and a chain shirt so fine that it looked like a silk overshirt, pre-emptively pointed out that his own side was the victorious one in that fight.
The party told the man in red that they were trying to find the Kings, and the man agreed to bring them to the Kings’ tent. The anarchic nature of the plane was such that they could not easily build a permanent structure like a palace, but a really big and fancy tent would be good enough to indulge their decadence, while being portable enough that they could tear it down and move it wherever they needed to move it.
The man in red led them inside, where a 12-foot tall man in yellow plate mail that covered him completely sat on a massive throne. The man in red sat down on the throne next to him, and introduced himself and the other man as the Kings of Chaos.
The Red King told the group that before any negotiations could begin, there were some folks who wanted to meet them. There in the tent, the party had to do battle with several of their previous foes: the gladiators from the arena so long ago, one of the pirates who jumped off of the airship just a couple of weeks ago, and, like, some orc, I think. He was important at the time, but now that he’s been killed twice, it doesn’t really matter who he was. He’s, like, double dead.
Not that it mattered, according to the Red King. Anybody who died in this plane would just sort of evaporate after a while and then reappear somewhere else, minus whatever they were wearing, and would start over.
The Red King was impressed by the group’s willingness to fight and kill at the drop of a hat, though, and was especially impressed by how Cheryl started the fight by saying that she wouldn’t get involved, then suddenly did get involved halfway through and healed her friends and attacked their enemies, much to those enemies’ chagrin.
The Red King claimed that the surest way to understand someone was to exchange blows with them, and in fact, he could learn everything about a person in this way. So he asked everybody in the party to do so with him, being punched by them and punching them back. Most of them couldn’t harm him, and he gave most of them a quick tap. For reasons that escape me at the moment, he decided to really haul back and clobber Donavin, though, and knocked him unconscious with subdual damage.
I’m sure he had a good reason.
Having done this, he went back to the Yellow King, and high-fived him, thus transferring the knowledge to him. The Yellow King never spoke, and in fact did not have any holes in his helmet through which he could speak. Or see. Or hear. Or breathe, probably. He seemed to be doing alright, though.
Anyway, the Kings understood the plan, and told the party that what they were attempting was not likely to work. They knew their place in the hierarchy of Lords, and their place was, in fact, on the very bottom. Without any magic, they were the weakest of them all. They knew this because they had sought out and fought all of the rest, with the exception of the judge, and been killed by all seven of the Lords they had fought. They simply returned to their own plane and got better, though, so they didn’t mind. They just liked to fight.
Furthermore, while they could move between most of the other planes as they wished, they could not penetrate the barriers to the Judge’s plane. The barrier would be easier for them to breach if they could start from the mortal realm, but if they tried to cut their way there, they would only appear on the mortal plane as ghosts, with no further strength to cut their way to the Judge. In other words, if the party wanted the help of the Kings, they would first need to find their mortal remains and resurrect them.